Ash Wednesday

I don't know why, but I always look forward to this time of year. Perhaps it's because I still remember that pride I felt, when I was a little girl, bearing the mark of Christ on my forehead for all to see. It could also be that it is because it's such a powerful symbol; one both visual and tactile. But most likely it is due to the fact that it is the herald to our most richly symbolic and beautiful seasons: the 40 days of Lent. 

Lent has always appealed to me, probably because I'm such an introvert and any season that focuses on introspection and inner development I will find naturally attractive. This year I've felt the spirit moving me to a much deeper internal expression of my commitment to prayer and spiritual growth. I've added a day of fasting combined with adoration to aid me in this. And who knows, maybe, God willing, I'll be able to permanently keep this up! All I know is the deep, strong current of the season of Lent is once again inspiring me to take another step further into the desert of my limitations, and to rediscover the thirst; the thirst that can only be quenched by the purifying, Living Water of our Lord.      

Congress Comin'!

Yippee Ai Yeah! Feel the love@congress!

Oh! The horror!

Be afraid, be very afraid. 

Sigh...

It does the heart good to know that men as good looking as this are still able to answer the call....

A Funeral...

Last night I attended the funeral mass of one of the senior sisters in our community. It was the first funeral service I had attended for one of our own. The entire province was there, along with former students and friends. So many thoughts and emotions come to mind, it's hard to choose a place to begin. I guess I'll start by saying that I'll miss her, and I have been blessed by the short time I've known her. Sister's prayer intension for vocations and perseverance at morning or evening prayer will always sound in my mind, finding its way down from the choir loft to our hearts and God's ear. I know she'll be a powerful advocate for us in heaven, and that she's in the company of angels now. Although she didn't make it to her diamond jubilee celebration, she held the joy of her 75 years of profession in her heart. It was evident to all who met her.

The Mass marking her transition from our world of time and form into the eternal present was beauty at it's most real. For in the true reality of beauty our lives are stripped and laid bare; nothing remains but the brutal honesty of who we really are. It is here, in His presence, that we are beheld by our Lover, trembling in the full realization of who we really are; created beings graced with His favor. It is with a great and terrible faith that we march towards this meeting with our Absolute. There is no greater expression of that raw and aching faith than when we chant the Suscipe, at our both our profession and our funerals.

 

"Sustain me Lord according to your promise, that I may live, and do not fail me, for I have trusted in your faithfulness". 

For the proving ground of our trust in Him is in this chapel, now, as the white pall is unfolded over her coffin, and she is sent forth in loving community by her sisters, blessed with the holy water of her baptism in Christ. At times like these it is easier to see that perhaps all of our lives are truly one long Advent. We live our years alloted to us in agitation and anticipation.

 

"Our hearts are restless until they rest in the Lord", as St. Augustine says. 

For we are but waiting on the call of our Beloved. Waiting. Waiting in that sometimes raw, aching hunger that is true faithfulness. It is by God's grace that I am blessed to be a lady in waiting within this community of faithful sisters, may I never forget that. 

RIP Sr. M.C., you served our Lord 94 years in in trust and faithfulness.     

Trust...

Interestingly enough, the new year started out exactly like advent, shrouded in a thick ground fog. The prior evening, New Years Eve, one of our sisters had related the homily she had heard that morning where the priest had said that today was a good day for everyone to renew the commitments they had made for advent. So it was really something to wake up on New Years Day greeted in the same manner as that first Advent morn! I love it when God's signals are so easily perceived. What needed to be readdressed from those first days of advent, before all the hustle and bustle of the holidays kicked in to high gear? What was the message that the fog itself had tried to symbolize? Trust. The trust you must have to give oneself totally over to God, and that radical trust needed to allow Him to lead you. Full surrender has never been easy for me, but I know it is required if I'm to truly live the life I've committed myself to. So, the revisit of the beautiful hushed morning fog on New Years Day brought back those advent desires and commitments, and gave me a chance to renew my fidelity to follow in full trust where He leads. 

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Have a wonderful Christmas! I'll resume posting after Christmas day. Boy, has this last week of Advent been a doosey!

Finals Week!

Posting may be spotty. Pray for me!

Our lady of Guadalupe...

Ora Pro Nobis

Sorry it's been a while...

Advent descended on us in a hush, like a soft blanket muffling the harshness of winter. The 3 days of fog in my area was a thick pea soup, sometimes not burning off until 9:am., and it made driving to mass quite an adventure, but... ahh... There's nothing like the soft, quiet mystery of fog; and somehow it seemed a perfect way to enter into the beauty of Advent. A perfect metaphor for the return inward, a return to the silence. Softening the sharp edges of our view, it causes us to search the terrain of our interior. For some reason, I've been drawn to pondering the concept of the anticipatory aspect of Advent, how our whole lives are advent, and to the idea of holding, bearing that attitude of anticipation is our life's purpose. Advent is a way of life. 

For my reading this Advent, I've been blessed with coming across a book of sermons and prison writings by the priest and martyr Alfred Delp. Called "Advent of the Heart", it has many deeply moving and profound reflections on life and this aspect of waiting. Here are some selections:

"... the golden threads running between Heaven and earth during this season reach us; the threads that give the world a hint of the abundance to which it is called, the abundance of which it is capable."

"Advent is a time of promise, not yet the fulfillment."

"Advent means a heart that is awake and ready"

Fr. Delp speaks of the longing, yearning we must bear in response to the advent aspect of our lives, how we cannot allow ourselves to be tricked into the false satisfactions of our world, and that we must trust what God has promised. It's pretty poignant stuff, and much of his writing was while awaiting death in a Gestapo prison. 

More later...        

Another Beautiful Day!

Go out and greet God!

It's Sunday!

... And Christ the King! 

Ahh, Fall...

Oh, yes, and then there were the fires...

It's truly a sight to behold when the southland's on fire. The sunlight filtered through the smoke casts an orange glow upon the landscape, and ash falls like snow in certain areas. Afterwards, the hillsides look like lunar landscapes; gray with the stark and twisted black shapes of the manzanita and scrub oak the only indication of a former verdancy. But, afterwards the signals of resiliency and rebirth surface, creating Hope and Fortitude. Hope in the new life that will come with the first green flush of spring, and then the realization that Hope will require courage, of which Fortitude is the graced response.    

I'm Sorry, Blog...

... For the long absence, I could come up with such a long list of distractions that I've succumbed to, but I'll just fess up and tell ya straight... I became a political junkie. That's right, I'll admit it. I couldn't tear myself away from CNN, MSNBC, Blogs, newspapers... You name it, I was probably on it. I was hooked on the minute by minute catastrophes, bank implosions, and all things electoral. Speaking of which, what a horse race! Whew! Now that's over, I can get back to musing on the better things life has to offer: like a full year in the postulancy, ministry, the emergence of a real direction... prayer.  

St. Peter Claver

Ora Pro Nobis. Heaven knows how much we need your help today. 

Yearly Reflections #2

Over the year I've realized that I have a theme Psalm. It's Psalm 51. Ouch.

More on this later.

OK, I Know..

 But every now and then you gotta post a cute animal photo. Shows you have a bit of levity. Have a great day!

A Growing Realization...

That I am one of the more conservative and traditional minded members; in church matters; of our community, and the uncomfortable awareness of being in the minority that this brings about. I've found it better to censure my commentary, than to feel the stiffness in conversation after some discussion or another regarding the faults or merits of the older customs and practices for the church or community life. But here's the rub: I've been considering asking for the Habit when I become a novice (our community did away with the habit a while back, although some of the sisters wear the veil on occasion; which I have mixed feelings about). There are some others in our community who are also in formation who feel the same way as I do; but have decided to opt for a simplicity of street dress instead so as not to make waves. I already do this, and I feel it isn't enough. It's just not as recognizable by the lay community. Perhaps I'm not humble enough and should just be content with my interior relationship with God; but I still think it's important to be a witness to our way of life. 

{Sigh}

 

It's just that I'm experiencing a growing realization, or an actual grasping if you will, of the real importance of the traditions our Catholic faith and our consecrated way of life. Yeah, I know, I'm a little late to the gate on this, but hey, I'm a late bloomer. And I'm sure that the strident adherence to the traditions of our faith are not what is of most importance to God. Here is where I'm in agreement with the liberals of my community and my faith. After all, the Gospel itself says the sabbath was made for man, and not he other way around. But then if the sabbath was made for man, why? Precisely because man needs rituals to worship God properly. Reminders; so to speak; of the way man is called to behave when in the presence of the Lord. What I've come to see is that the traditions are essential primarily for us, and without them we've quickly disintegrated into a pack of non-believing believers. People who've lost site of the Sacred, in favor of the mundane. I don't know about y'all, but I need all the help I can get and having all the bells and whistles, incense and customs really deepens my faith and the experience of God's presence in my life. 

I feel it is the same with the Habit. When I see a sister in a habit I'm instantly reminded that there is another way of living, one centered in Jesus. That visual image alone does it for me. It's that witness thing again. That much needed sign to challenge those of us who so easily forget and become too focused on the things of this world. So I struggle with the tension of my ever deepening need for true witness and a fear of estrangement from my community who may not feel the need for such trivialities as the habit. For them, it's been there, done that.           

Proof Positive...

That you can experience the Catholic Church; in all Her otherworldly beauty; even in a tent! See, not a poncho, conch shell or ceramic chalice in sight! H/T to The Hermeneutic of Continuity for the inspiration!